Stranded: an Interstellar WG Story: Chapter 3

Meitnerium's attention was focused elsewhere, away from this silly little Earth man and his inquiries. The tantalizing thought of "a little bit of everything" was music to her green little ears as Meitnerium imagined just what "everything" could mean to a girl like her! That chili stuff was good, those twonkies spectacular, hoo hoo's superb and those pieces sublime! Perhaps there was some sort of art in combining all these tastes into one super dish?

No, that was silly; it would taste terrible... maybe.

It was more likely that there were simply more tastes out there for Meitnerium to experience rather than the first handful she had come across. It excited her to think of what culinary wonders the modest Texas wife could be concocting in front of that "oven" thing of hers, struggling to hold back the floodgates on her drooling jaw as images of her repertoire of already sampled cuisines filled her imagination...

"Helloooo?" Harry leaned in slightly, trying to catch his squatter's attention, "Ground Control to Major Meitty?" he joked, "You alright in there?"

Suddenly Meitnerium snapped back to attention, her dreams of cornbread and candy bursting for the time being. "Hmm, what?" she asked blankly as she struggled to peek into the kitchen past the balding Texan.

"Well finally, I was starting to worry maybe you were gonna lunge past me to get at my wife's cooking!" he chuckled, "Anyway, I wanted to know if you wanted to check out what's left of your ship while my wife's busy in the kitchen?"

"While your wife cooks?" Meitnerium's eyes widened in disbelief, "You mean you people actually have to work to eat, it's not instant?"

There was a slight snort from the kitchen as Harry's wife, Louise, couldn't help but overhear. "If only, I'd kill not to have slave over a hot stove for hours on end." she popped out of the kitchen for a bit as she let the water rise in a too-be-washed pan, "Harry said something about you having food pills, I guess eating actual food is a new experience for you, isn't it?"

The older gentleman gave a quick peck to his wife's cheek, "Hey, she might as well experience the best first, right Honey?"

Louise chuckled before batting him off, "Oh stop, I'm not cooking you hushpuppies- they take too long!"

"Wait, hold on a sec." Meitnerium interrupted, her food-rattled brain managed to grasp onto what meager conversation she and Harry had shared "Did you say... what's left of my ship?"

***

"GREAT FRICKIN' FAITH!!"

Out here, maybe an hour or so from Harry's happy home, a large crater had formed little less than twenty four hours ago. As one might have guessed by now, it was the obvious result of Meitnerium's Porschette breaking through our atmosphere. It was a hole just a little bigger than the car itself, maybe a foot or two wider than where the fender initially impacted due to a super light space-safe material. Thankfully the accident had occurred out in a rather barren part of Texas instead of traveling just a few dozen miles over into town. Perhaps had the brave vehicle made that quantum leap, then the results may have been less devastating. However no, it did not. And the results were quite devastating at that, Meitnerium could attest to that.

The front had made the most impact, taking a complete nosedive into the planet's surface. As such, the relative accordion effect that had resulted was understandable. The bright red paint of her once gallant steed had been mussed and scratched off in places, despite the extra coating of atmospheric protection wax that her Daddy had splurged on. All four tires were flat, every window broken if not destroyed, both doors forced open, and the exhaust pipe had exploded due to a large chunk of space rock lodged in it's cold dead cylindrical walls. Even by extraterrestrial standards, this car was totaled.

"Oh man, Daddy's gonna kill me!" Meitnerium whined as she continued pacing about the crash site, her still taut tummy bobbing up and down slightly with each step, "He told me that if I get into even one wreck -just one!- then he's taking away my license!"

"Don't you have some kind of location device in there?" Harry asked, taking a look at this strange vehicle from beyond the stars, "I mean, even Tom's got a GPS."

"No, my UPS module's busted and I don't think Onstar would pick up my signal out here!" the fretting alien wailed as she sat down on a nearby rock. "What am I gonna do?!" she bellowed to the waking world, "That car was my only chance at getting home... why didn't you tell me it had all but frickin' exploded?!"

Harry was really at a loss here, he had actually expected something like a transporter badge or a communicator that would beam up his green little houseguest. But years of sci-fi television had led him astray- Kirk and Picard being the only real inspiration for interstellar lifestyles really didn't seem like such a good idea at this point. Now here she was, little Meitty all alone with no one to turn to and stranded on an unfamiliar planet with no family or friends... it really had to suck...

"Hey, Meitty." Harry sat down beside the sobbing extra-terrestrial on her rock, placing a fatherly hand on her shaking shoulders.

"What?!" she barked back, "Just freakin' what?!" she wiped her spillage with the back of her hand as she faced the kindly Texan with misdirected fury in her eyes.

"I know a guy, I don't know how good of a job he'll do on a foreign car that's... well, quite this foreign, but I think I could get him to take a look at this for ya." he smiled behind his mustache, "And until he gets it fixed, you could always stay with me and my family."

Her quivering green eyes turned away, "I don't want to stay with your family!" she sobbed heavily, "I just... I just want to go home right now! I miss my family and all my friends!"

Harry knowingly brought the frightened little angloid into his arms for a big fatherly hug. "Hey, hey, I understand." he said softly, "I wouldn't wanna share a roof with me either, I'm amazed my wife puts up with me." he joked, even Meitnerium had to laugh a little bit at his corny old man humor. "But there's nothing else you can do but wait Meitty, and we at the Parker household would be honored to put you up until we can get you back home."

After a short fit of intense sobbing, Meitnerium looked up and smiled, "Thanks... you're a pretty nice guy... um..."

"Harry."

"Right, Harry." she quickly finished her sentence for fear of seeming rude (for once), "But... I don't know if-

"We'll feed you every night and give you all the love our little blue planet could offer." Harry said in a very fatherly tone, "Trust me, I don't think you're gonna do much better that." he smiled wider as he wrapped his arm around the shivering alien girl's shoulder. "Now come on, we better get home- I'll send my guy out here to tow this away so he can get right to work."

"But-

"No buts, we better get home for dinner."

“Thanks, but can I… y’know grab a few things from my car before we go?”

She might as well see what she could scrap together from the wreck. Fortunately enough Meitnerium had packed a few things for her transfer to the new school and found an airtight high pressure container. Lifting the see through tub from what was left of the trunk end of the car she searched its contents to see take stock of what was left.

It wasn’t long before the ever curious Harry joined her side and lifted a neon blue colored sleek striated elongated tube. “Wait is this some kind of ray gun?” he asked both confusion and excitement in his voice.

“No, it’s a blow dryer.” Meitnerium said flatly, promptly taking it from his hands swiftly and adding it back to her box of doodads. Her irritability had risen up again at the hick and his “inferior intellect”; she was much too upset right now to deal with him right now. She calmed down a bit at the sight of Harry’s shirking figure before adding much more calmly “Look I don’t have want to explain exactly what everything in here does, but maybe I can show you later.”

Harry nodded, and to show he understood he courteously carried the tub to his car without opening the lid on it once, even though he was downright drooling at the thought of seeing all that alien science and technology. He understood she would be stuck here in the middle of nowhere surrounded by strangers for who knew how long, and that these few private things were all she had left.

As they left the crash site of what once was her incredibly stylish vehicle, Meitnerium was now quite depressed. She leaned against the cars window and tried to doze off; barely catching pieces of the conversation Harry was having on his own working cellular device.

“Bill…Yeah its Harry, I got a heck of a job for you. Yeah it’s foreign really foreign. Yeah it’s about an hour west off the freeway past my place, terrible crash, you can’t miss it….Yeah if you could just tow what’s left and take a look at it…Yeah…No it’s not mine it’s for a friend….I’ll come by tomorrow and see what ya think of it….Yeah …O.K then a six-pack on me… See ya then….” He promptly hung up and the car grew swiftly silent, leaving Meitnerium alone with her thoughts.

As she thought over the wild and crazy day she had just had she realized she could be in worse situations: she could have been stranded on an empty barren planet, or heck even dead on the wrong side of the black hole. Then again considering what her father might do to her, death might have been the better option. For now though she had “discovered “a planet that had this wonderful extraordinarily blissful food and this nice if slightly odd family had taken her in without any second questions she was very lucky for that. She couldn’t think of a lot of people that would do that on her home world, let alone for a stranded alien. Hmmm, what could she do as a sign of thanks? Ah Ha!

“Um, Harry, was it?” she began

“Oh, hehe, Did I wake you I’m sorry.” Harry apologized

“No it’s fine. Uh, here.” She said blankly, and she fished into her pocket pulling out a single brownish tablet. “It’s one of the food pills I was telling you about; I found a few left and it’s not much but…”

“Aww shucks you don’t need to thank me. It’s what anyone would do. Sides’ it might be nice to have someone else around the house now that Tom Glum’s gone all moody on me.” He stared blankly at the pill hesitant to except the strange offering. “I’m not going to blow up like a berry if I eat this am I?” he asked her deadly serious.

“No, it’s just a food pill, you know, protein, glucose, and all that.” She assured him (“Honestly where did this hick get such strange ideas?)

“Well heck I’ll try anything once. Thank you Meitty.” He gulped it in a single swallow. “Hmm, is that, Bacon?” he pondered out loud. His voice rose as he continued… “Well hey that’s really something! He smacked his lips together and ran his tongue around them. It was strange to Harry, though it wasn’t exactly bacon he could barely taste the essence, almost like it was a ghost of a piece of bacon he had had that morning. He smiled at the fact that it seemed to last with him, and that he had probably the first human who ever received a gift from an alien, something he’d once only dreamed about.

Soon they were home and they entered the house where even more new smells filled the air. Meitnerium wondered was there a fire here? It certainly smelled like a smoke was coming from somewhere in the house!

“Mmmm Louise must have just got done with some Barbeque.” Harry said whiffing the air. His calm demeanor letting Meitnerium know that this was a normal smell here on Earth, and breathing deeper she found the smell did possess a fragrant dark sensation to it.

“Oh, great your back how was the ship?” Louise immediately asked as she emerged from the kitchen smothering Harry in a big hug.

“Well it was totally busted, and she’s a little down about it” Harry said returning the hug. “She managed to get some of her things out of it though, and Bill said he would take a look at it at least but I don’t think...” He trailed off not wanting to further dower his guest’s gloominess with his negative predictions.

“…Well I hope you at least came hungry!” Louise said not missing a beat. Her attitude returned the warmth to the house and filled Meitnerium with a sense of welcoming mirth.

“Well actually, I don’t know how to say this honey but… I’m actually pretty full…” Harry said dumbfounded himself as he tried to explain.

“WHAT!? You of all people passing up on my cooking?” Louise asked slightly shocked. Meitnerium too was surprised by this fact. Usually she could a pill or two like they were nothing, maybe even three or four at a time if she really wanted to make a pig of herself. If someone who ate real food eater was full after just one, did at mean she could eat four times as much as a regular earthling?

“I’m sorry baby” Harry continued, “but well, Meitty here had found some leftover of her food pills, and you know me I just had to try one. Let me say that the most certainly do work. It was pretty neat to try one; I feel like I just got done with one of your three course meal breakfast, not bloated but just perfectly full, and there was this tiny little trace of bacon or uh, something like it.” He described to his wife as best as he could.

Louise seemed to understand it wasn’t the weirdest thing she’d been told over the last twenty four hours. “Well if you say so sugar… I guess that means more for the rest of us right Meitty. She smiled brightly at the voracious extraterrestrial. “You sure I can’t get you anything Harry?”

“Nope, maybe just a glass of milk for me dear, and oh maybe some for Meitty too. I might get some of the leftovers tomorrow, but haha, then again with the way Meitty ate last night maybe not.” He added as he took a seat at the head of the dining room table.

“Ok then.” Louise said as she turned back towards the kitchen, but then she quickly pirouetted around and faced Meitnerium. “Oh and by the way dear, dinner’s almost ready so go ahead and wash up.”
Wash up? What the Faith did that mean?

On Meitnerium's planet, mealtimes were usually spent individually and generally at whatever spare second or two their busy days would grant them. This allowed more time to work, study, play video games, chat with friends, or anything else that fell under the blanket category of "whatever".

This had proved to be a great thing, productivity was up and the fixed serving size in each pill prevented Metaleans from overeating. While they were a species quite rehearsed in the general topic of cleanliness, due to their reliance on simply popping in their required nourishment for the day, the concept of "washing up" had been phased out almost entirely. On Metalement, you took your shower either in the morning or at night -boiling down to a simple matter of preference, children still weren't too fond of bathing there either- and you went about your cycle until the time came for another bathing session or whenever you felt it necessary. So knowing this, it wasn't too shocking to see Meitnerium gazing blankly at Louise.

"Ummm... what?" the culture-shaken alien asked with a hint of dissatisfaction, "Did I step in something? I don't smell that bad."

"Louise, I think we might have to be a little less willing to throw our vernaculars around." Tom chuckled from the head of the table, "Come on Meitty, I'll give you the rundown." the patriarch of the family said kindly as he lifted himself from the seat. Meitnerium followed him down the hall and into a room on the left.

"So you just run your hands under the water with a little soap and that's it." Harry explained thoroughly.

"That's it?" Meitnerium asked flatly

"That's it." With a flick of the primitive "light switch", the room was illuminated in an instant, revealing an ever-useful fixture that even Meitnerium had recognized.

"Thanks, but I am not doing anything in that." Meitnerium said indignantly as she gestured to the porcelain throne next to the tub, "I mean, that's just sick, on my planet, we use that when we have to-" she was cut off by a simple gesture: Harry stepping aside and showing her a strange Earth bathroom fixture.

"Oh... sorry, my bad." Meitnerium apologized halfheartedly as she was ushered in front of this strange indent in the counter's top.

It was pearly white and kept very clean, whatever it was. There was a silver trunk stretching from the back of the mouth and stopping halfway down to its surface. On either side, there were two handles left unlabeled, perhaps to grab onto like a motorcycle? She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at the strange contraption as her admittedly not-too-intuitive mind started to work. Deciding that her motorcycle idea was the closest she would get, her slender green grabbers stretched out and touched both handles. As she pulled, she found that they did not come closer, as she expected, but instead they turned together, as in towards each other. Startling enough, a surge of water spewed from the nostril of the immovable metallic hose and splashed Meitnerium on the lowest part of her torso.

"Oh Faith!" she shouted as she recoiled in surprise.

Calmly, Harry simply outstretched his hand and turned one nozzle completely to the left and the other slightly to the opposite direction. The powerful torrent immediately slowed its pace until it was a tranquil trickling that gently fell into the drain.

"It's called a sink, on our planet we use these to wash off specific parts of our body." Harry explained dutifully, now pointing to the small pump like device to the left of the fixture, "That's soap, specifically made for our hands, so we get a little-" here he gave the nozzle a quick two pumps and allowed it to sneeze all over his hand, "-and then we rub it in, and wash it off in the sink."

Meitnerium observed flatly, her expression cold and calculating. Liquid soap... actually not a bad idea. Some men on her planet used body wash, was it kind of like that?

<center>***</center>

Anyway, on with the main attraction: dinner. As promised, said course had already been prepared and was ready by the time Meitnerium had emerged from the strangely adorned Earth bathroom. The smell, now stronger than ever, hit her green little nose like a bag full of bricks as she grew closer and closer to the source. The source of course being the kitchen. And as Mrs. Parker's frame had been removed from its place in front of the stovetop, Meitnerium could now adequately see just what she had been cooking for so long. It looked to be the bones of a moderately sized animal, specifically the ribcage sans the solar plexus, drenched in a red sauce and allowed to stew. It seemed that the ribs had been cooked beforehand and slathered in said topping afterwords, so they weren't entirely basted in their own juices. However, these observations were of course lost to the gluttonous alien; as her thoughts were simply that whatever it was looked absolutely fan-freakin'-tastic.

She felt herself begin to salivate as she drank in the sight of another wonderful Earth bounty, despite gorging herself little less than three hours ago on junk food. Her lithe alien body had had its fill of the previous helping, now it wanted more. She slowly opened her mouth, hoping to get some insight on what Faith had graced her plate with. But she was so taken with the meal that all that seemed to come out was a mindless stutter; her eyes never leaving the pile of animal parts for a second. Louise, from the counter whipping some microwavable mashed potatoes into edible shape, smiled.

"Well I'm glad to see that my food gets Meitty's stamp of approval!" she seemed tickled, placing her bowl on the table top and walking over to her tenant's side.

"Wha-what is that?" Meitnerium was practically choking on her own words, her tongue more of an obstacle than a feature to her mouth.

"That is barbecue ribs, made from scratch." the housewife said with pride, "Usually I have time to let them marinate in barbecue sauce for a few hours, but I figured you wouldn't mind if I just cooked up some ribs and slapped on some sauce, Meitty."

Meitnerium could only smile, "No way, I don't mind a bit!" she said with genuine enthusiasm, "This looks so good, I-I mean-"

"You can have as much as you'd like, just sit at the table and I'll get you a plate." Louise said happily, scooting the young visitor to her seat at the dinner table.

"Shouldn't we be waiting on Tommyknocker?" Harry piped up

"Oh no, he said he'd be out with Jerri again. He won't be home until late." Louise pish-poshed as she delivered the long-awaited platter to Meitnerium, who immediately got to work.

Having only tasted a small sample of whatever tastes Earth had to offer before, Meitnerium was understandably wary on simply inhaling anything placed in front of her. She used her dainty fingers to grab at the carcass, a little surprised at the primitiveness of the meal in that you actually had to rip your helping off of the main serving. With a little difficulty, Meitnerium had salvaged a respectable chunk for herself and slowly lifted it to her mouth, turning her head slightly in order to get a better bite of meat. As she chewed, spitting out a lock of her long white hair that had swooped into the side of her mouth at the last second, the familiar sensation of reality and depth hit her taste buds. The meat, while thick and not nearly as sweet as anything else she'd eaten today, had a very chewable texture. It wasn't chewy by any means, just being the first actual meal she'd eaten on Earth besides cornbread that Meitnerium had actually been required to chew before swallowing. It was juicy, the supposed natural flavors of the meat blending in seamlessly with whatever glorious topping Mrs. Parker had graced it with. She swallowed, it rolled downhill roughly, but settled in the pit of her stomach as it radiated a certain warmth and a hint of spiciness.

Taking precautions, Meitnerium pushed her long white hair back over her shoulder and started tearing into the meat. She ravaged it, very much like an animal that would have killed this pig in the wild. Accidentally, her finger had picked up a trace of buttery white heaven- the mashed potatoes. They were fluffy, baked, warm, and seemed to send the same radiating feeling of self-satisfaction through Meitnerium's body as the main course.

"Oh my goodness!" Louise said, delighted, "You really do love Earth food!" she giggled, "Here, I'll go get you some more."

However, "some more" quickly became "all but whatever Louise hadn't already laid claim to". By the end of the night, two hours after initially sitting down, Meitnerium had been stuffed like the hog she had made such quick work of. Harry had left long ago in lieu of a little television before bed, and Louise had taken to cleaning up a little. But Meitnerium just ate. She sat in her chair, pushed back from the table as she reclined in euphoria. Her stomach surged forward as it churned and gurgled in agony; her green skin turned taut as she stuffed that meal on top of her other still only half-digested stuffing. It peeked out from underneath her cardigan, a semicircular dome that was stuffed to the brim with both junk food and some good ol' Texas cooking. Her hands, as well as some areas of her cardigan and the general "mouth" area were covered in sauce, and she had the most zoned-out look on her face as she struggled to keep breathing.

All in all, Earth food had been pretty good so far...
Still in a state of what local Earthling would call a “food coma” Meitnerium sighed contently as the rich tang of the meat’s sauce continued to flow through her system. She was doubtful if things could get any better than this…this feeling of fullness she had right now in this glorious moment. She wondered if she was growing addicted to this food stuff, oh who she was kidding she was in love food!

“Oh dear,” Mrs. Parker said returning from the kitchen after cleaning Metiernium’s plate. “I suppose ya’ll want to wash up now right?” She asked sullied yet satisfied looking Metiernium. “Oh, uh, I mean you’ll want to shower. You know show-err?” she corrected herself bringing her fingernails to scratch and scrub her scalp for demonstration.

Hmmmm a shower… that actually sounded really good right now! Metiernium nodded to the most excellent of food makers, gently easing her swollen frame away from the table.

As she waddled towards the bathroom, Meitnerium could fully take in her night’s haul. She watched or more importantly felt as her abdominal section usually flat as a board actually had a sort of a bounce to it now as she walked. She let her hands explore this paunch her body now carried around in front of it. Strangely it gave way under her touch giving Meitnerium a sensation that was not quite unpleasant. Interesting, something about her body was strangely…softer. She pushed the thought out of her mind; it was probably due to the planet’s different gravity anyways.

Meitnerium’s mind refocused on getting clean as she reentered the bathroom, she felt like showers shouldn’t be too different to figure out here compared to back home. She shortly stripped herself of her well-worn clothes and after only faintly observing the slightest protuberance her midsection now possessed when she undid the top button on her jeans, Meitnerium stepped into the shower. From there she commanded the signal for hot water thought her antenna by force of habit...nothing. Oh of course it hadn’t worked, Earthlings had not installed antenna controlled devices yet! Well perhaps it was at least voice controlled?

“Hot!” Meitnerium commanded to the blank shower walls. Nope still no water. That’s when she noticed the handles below the shower head much like the handles at the sink. Giving one a twist, just as she had seen Harry do to the sink handles she jumped back as she began to feel warm water jettison upon her. Now she looked about the shower to see what she could clean with Hmm…bar soap, liquid soap… OH! Shampoo just like home. Meitnerium reached for the bottle which was bizarrely almost the same green color as her skin, this was far from the ubiquitous pale and white color that was the shampoo of her home world. She shrugged hoping that shampoo that she was now pouring into her hair would be mostly harmless to her hair here on Earth.

As she started lathering her ivory locks Meitnerium was taken aback by another quality of the cleanser; it’s smell. What was this? Even the soap here smelt magnificently sweet, good enough to eat even! Food seemed to be very important here on Earth, it was seemingly everywhere! And why not? Food was probably one of the greatest things Meitnerium had ever discovered! So what exactly was this soap smelling like? Through the shower’s streams and the suds, Meitnerium observed the skin colored bottle closer. The strange green fruit on the front of the bottle provided a hint; “Green Apple” it read. She had seen these strange objects in a bowl on the center of the dinner table, although those were red. She thought they were some strange form of Earth art at the time, but if she would have known they had this sort of aroma to them she would had devoured them. Well she might try just a taste of this liquefied green goopy kind, she let a bit of the lather trickle down into her mouth.Yuck! Ok, maybe she wasn’t supposed to eat this stuff; it was still soap, but such sweet-smelling soap at that!

After her shower Metiernium dried herself off with a towel quickly, and scampered into what would be her new room. Searching through the tub Harry had brought from her demolished vehicle, she found that fortuitously her instant-hair dryer lay right on top of the small treasure trove of her possessions. Then after quickly aerating her hair, she searched for any spare outfits. Digging around she pulled out her favorite pair of pink and fuzzy pajamas. She had planned on wearing these for those cold mornings at college or for those nights in with her friends, either way they were in-room only. She’d probably die from embarrassment if anyone other than her closest friends found out she was still wearing these…but she supposed the Parker family wouldn’t care. Considering it was either this, her dirty clothes, or well, naked, Metiernium went with the pink and fluffy.

So from what she could tell she had only two outfits left. Well, fashion here on Earth (from what she’d seen at least) was much plainer and rustic than that of her hi-tech home world. What was a young fashionable Metalean to do? She supposed if she was going to be stuck here then she’d have to ask the Parker’s for some new clothes, but that would be a problem for later…

What else did she have here; maybe she could do a little re-decorating to her new room? Oh! A picture of her family! As she placed the holo-picture on a bedside table she sadly realized it might be a long time till she actually got to see her family again, but she was happy to have at least a picture of them around. Oh, and another! One of her and her friends at Bobba-Jabba-Hoth house, she smiled as she remembered that one crazy night. Thinking about her friends she knew it would be a long time until they realized she hadn’t actually gotten to her new school yet, so it would be quite a while till anyone would be worried about her. Hopefully her Porsche would be fixed before it came to an interstellar search and rescue, but she was beginning to feel that even if she would be here for a number of Earth days, it wasn't exactly the worse place to stay…

With the pictures of her family and friends at her side Metiernium felt a lot better now than she had yesterday night, and she even felt a little safer in this new “home” she found herself. Still extremely full she lazily nuzzled into her bed, and slowly sank into another night of warm digestion.